all you need is jiujitsu*

*or the ramblings of a white belt who has (just) returned to the mats

details. it’s all in the details, he (my coach) says.

while i listen, i’m thinking i’m doomed. but, what the heck, let me give this another try. there is a reason i came back after all (i almost quit before my seventh session; this is my ninth, after a six-month break). and why even if the terms and the movements confuse me to this day, even if my body feels like it has been stretched in three different places at the same time the next day, and even if my wild curly hair goes even wilder with every drill and roll, i have stayed.

because today, much like most days the past few weeks, i needed something stronger than my usual caffeine fix.

key points of control. reverse dela riva. x-guard. foot lock.

in my head i automatically break it down into skills┬áthat are more familiar to me – body scheme, motor planning, speed, endurance, grip strength, core stability – when i know i should be analyzing movement instead (as luck would have it, kinesiology was not my best subject in college). relying on engrams in the meantime.

humming to the song “bilanggo” (about your heart being jailed to somebody’s) while doing reps. which seems to be apt at this point (in my case, to this thing called BJJ).

he tells me something along the lines of having a strong core, much to his surprise and mine (this moment almost made it to my one-of-the-best-things-that-has-ever-happened-to-me list). the hubby allows me to try an arm bar on him (another one that almost made it to the previous list. however, had i known that on the way back home he’d tell me he has high expectations from me in this sport, i would have tried to choke him instead). i practice a sweep and marvel how leverage (technique not strength) works. every. single. time.

and so, yes, i have to agree. it’s all in the little details ­čśë

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that thing called BJJ*

*or what happens when a crafter goes (way) out of her comfort zone

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i have always had issues with commitment. the kind that makes me start a project and not finish it. like a painting. or a scrapbook. or a paper craft.

i find this a Gemini trait (well, i have to blame this on something, right?).

so when my jiujitsu coach expects some form of solidarity with the team (that this is a brotherhood is sinking in) or some semblance of regularity and dedication to this martial art, i find my chest tightening a bit, like a momentary choke hold (pun intended).

because i know that if i continue to do this along with all my fears (injury is top of mind) and insecurities (me sucking at it big time) – all of which i have been trying to deal with – i will not be able to make it through the finish line, whatever that may be.

but i enjoy jiujitsu. and although i have yet to find a reason to do this for more than a few months (this is a sport, after all, and a very challenging one at that), i will try to keep at it and give it everything I’ve got (which is not┬áreally much for now). because Zumba is not an option (just so we’re clear).

i am keeping my legs in closed guard position, er, i mean crossed.

(a little voice in my head is telling me that perhaps i should spend my time catching up on PL projects instead of rolling. ignoring this in the mean time.)